Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
