So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
