I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
