Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
