You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
