i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
