i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
