literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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