You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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