you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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