so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
