Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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