I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
