He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
