She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
