I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
