the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
