i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
