Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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