People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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