3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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