Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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