We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
