she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
