my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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