I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize