Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
