Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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