Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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