He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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