I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
