Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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