you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
