Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize