trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize