You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
