So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
