I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize