There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
