I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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