I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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