No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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