so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
