you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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