for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
