my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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