literally had 100 drinks last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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