I haven't been this sober since birth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
