things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
