You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
