Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
