Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
