Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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