how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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