You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
