phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
