bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
