Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
