i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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